Continuing on the homeschool series, I want to address something I discovered later than I would have liked. How do you support and tailor learning to your child’s interests and strengths? Should we point out strengths and weaknesses?
I would say I discovered this a bit late, but I have tried to remedy this with older children and begin this earlier with younger children. Right now, I have two graduates and eight children homeschooling. My older kids, I see, can be a little unsure or insecure about those niches that interest them. I attribute this to my lack of support and my closed-minded tendency to want to pump out well rounded upstanding students as was my goal in the public-school classroom.
In all of that, the most striking piece you may be taking away is counting the children. My family size does color my perspective and experience as it relates to homeschooling, but I hope that the content I provide can be applied to a general audience. It will, however, perhaps benefit the large family mom who finds herself going a little bit crazy. Maybe it won’t? As large family moms may tell you, the dynamics of the family changes with each new child, as well as age gaps between siblings, gender of the children, and personalities. But, just to get it out of the way in case you are wondering just how large the family is… I’m expecting baby 14 in the summer.
Now back on track, encouraging curiosity, independence, and self-awareness in building on child strengths is so important and underutilized as an approach in brick-and-mortar school. I’ve had children who absolutely love reading and creative writing and hate math. Most school years it was gritting teeth to just get through the harder, disliked subjects. Survival of requirements is something that’s been recurring in our homeschool. I’m bound by my state requirements, as many homeshoolers are. Some states have a larger freedom in homeschooling. I’ve had to find a balance to ensure my kids meet requirements, but can be creative and explorative in their own interests, which usually are extracurricular. I have some children who have a talent for music, some for handcrafted art, others for building, some farming. All of these interests are pathways for learning and building confidence in a skill or talent.
When I began to ease up on academic expectations, I enabled my children to enjoy learning and it became meaningful; almost like play, not school. That’s not to say I want my children to be mediocre in core subjects, but I’m not gung-ho about having an academically rigorous exceptional child. I’m raising a whole person. The reality of adulthood is that there are successes, there is failure, there’s sacrifice and there is enjoyment. Focusing on academic excellence prepares them for a world that, by observation, may not be all that fulfilling. So if you have that academically robust mindset and goal for your homeschooled child, this likely is not the blog for you. This is raw, real, and unscripted. It’s self-reflective in nature, balancing and adapting to people not being solely dictated by a curriculum.
Homeschooling has taken a different path from year one and that’s my message to you. Don’t be rigid in how you approach homeschooling. What works for one child, won’t for another. What worked one year, may not the next. One thing, though, that will be ever present and enduring is your child’s strengths and interests. Teaching them how to try again after a mistake or failure is equally important and that’s something I’m still learning how to do. I’ve been ingrained with the idea that failure is not an option and that bled into my expectation as a mom. Big mistake. I don’t want to get upset if they don’t get something right. Rather, I want to teach them healthy disappointment and build resiliency so they aren’t afraid to try because their attempt may end in failure.
One of the largest benefits to homeschooling, in my observation, is to have the time and environment to encounter self-awareness and emotional intelligence. In a school environment there are too many eyes and stressed adults to hone in on the importance of a sound spirit. School is a hell-hole of bullies and judgement, pressure and scrutiny. That’s not a safe environment for forming a sound spirit and a healthy soul. Kindness, empathy, and many other virtues are seen and attributed to weakness. Survival of the fittest prevails. This can be true of a home environment too, but you can make the conscious choice to provide a safe space (yup, I used the woke word) to build up the person. I no longer believe in tough love. I don’t think breaking a person builds them up. That may work for muscles, but although my child’s heart is a muscle, it doesn’t work that way. Brokenness leads to problems in self-esteem and self-worth. The little voices in their head when they are young, become the loud negative screams that sabotage their future successes and relationships.
If you take anything from this post, it’s that you’re forming a whole person…a mind, a heart, a soul. Math isn’t going to make my child a healthy and successful adult. It may be the means of their livelihood, but as most adults can attest; once you have long lasting relationships, your career has little to do with your core person, ability to resolve conflict in a marriage, or raise a child. In fact, careers often become stressors to family life, some companies touting that you should have work-life balance while demanding most of your time and loyalty. So, consider for yourself what kind of person you hope your child to be. That will be the largest influence in the approach you take as you homeshool.